Thank you Lord for this week’s sermon along with the precious lesson you provided at the quiet lakefront in Putrajaya. How can I ever begin to thank you? I was beginning to feel my enthusiasm for life slowly but surely being snuffed out, while I descended into despair and hopelessness. It had been 18 months, 8 days and 2 hours since COVID became real to us and since then, life for me has become a cycle of never-ending routine of preparing kids for breakfast and online classes, of attending to work emails, meetings, and deadlines, of getting the kids bedtime ready and only to attend some more meetings after. I wake up every morning dreading this repetitive cycle day after day, week after week and month after month. I know it is normal for life to have its ups and downs but how long more, O God? How long more do we need to be in the trenches with no better days in sight? When, O God, will this ever end?
The kids are feeling the effects of being cooped up at home bored, evident from their constant annoying bickering. It is as if oxygen was cut off from them and at the point where they are gasping for air, they desperately “inhale” what they can of the world through poor representations in the form of television and weekend car ride window watching. It is so sad to see them wasting away their childhood wondering what the real world feels like without ever really knowing…When, O God, will this ever end?
Thank you for the lesson you taught me through this weekend's kite flying experience at Putrajaya. I realize now that the reason the kite could not fly was not due to the lack of strong winds nor was it because it was damaged. Weather conditions were perfect, location was spot on with ample open space to launch the kite and the line was sufficiently released to fly, but the kite simply caught the wind and sagged at the tail despite many attempts to get it off the ground. Thank you for giving me the wisdom to realize that some supporting rods were needed to hold the wind channel rigid. I was asked by my wife if adding more dead weight would help but I now know that You were that still small voice in my heart of hearts convincing me to carry on when I simply answered her, “Let’s just try this out”.
I realize you were showing me that, like the kite, humans need two things to thrive in this broken world – Faith and Community. You know Lord that I try to spend some quiet time with You and I sincerely study Scripture to store up Your promises in my heart. But it can be hard at times to continue believing and to have hope that all things, even the perceived bad, are for the good of all who love You. I now know that the missing element was Community. I have always felt reluctant to share with other brothers and sisters about my difficulties and even more reluctant to ask for help. I rationalize that I do not wish to be a burden to others and tell myself people already have enough of their own problems. Furthermore, I can’t help but feel You looking disapprovingly at me for not wholeheartedly trusting You.
But You know better. You showed me that these were all excuses and that truth be told, I was creating an emotional barrier to “church people” for fear of being hurt again. Thank you for teaching me that I should look beyond the people and instead reference Jesus as the center of it all. Christians are not perfect and like chocolates, come in many shapes and sizes. But through the inward workings of the Holy Spirit, we are united in a common goal of one day becoming the perfect representation of Christ. I am also comforted that my insecure faith is not so much a reflection of my failing as a Christian but rather God ordained opportunities for others to show love and kindness as we support each other and spur each other on towards love and good deeds.
Thank You Jesus, for being real to me and for giving a fresh revelation during this low point of my life. I woke up comforted this morning knowing come what may, You hold the lines of my kite in Your loving and all powerful hands. Like the kite, I will continue to soar in the sky and be guided by Your ever-present grace that is renewed every morning. Amen.