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Sermon Reflection - The Certainty of Hope

Posted by Wendy ML Tan on

“If you think it is heavy, then it will be heavy. Open up your wings. Spread them out. Let the wind lift you up. Flow with it.” I received this vision during the recent W2W Encounter Weekend.  

The past two years have been a roller coaster ride. There were high points of glee and gladness, as there were low points of despair and darkness. So dark that one night, as I laid on my bed, I thought about suicide. I teared and moaned, “Nothing matters anymore. Family, friends, CG, church, the pandemic. They can all go on without me. ” There was a short slice of silence. In the hollowness of my heart, I sensed a minute glowing light. I opened my eyes, awakened by the knowledge that because Christ is in me, I have an eternal hope through Him. I have the hope that many do not have. I got up and made a resolution that moving forward, no matter how hard things will be in the future, I will not give up again.  

Fast forward to the recent weeks. In my last Ignite reflection piece, I shared about my mother and her then impending surgery. Post-op, she was recovering well but another health issue cropped up. She would experience a recurring swell on her left foot. She would spend many hours seated down or lying in bed as it would hurt when she tried to walk. When I pass by her bedroom, I would sometimes hear her tearing quietly, lamenting to God, praying that the pain would subside. 

Playing the role as a caretaker took a toll on my physical and mental well-being. It cumulated to a point where I became so angry and annoyed upon receiving the Vision Day appreciation gift from church because I am allergic to 90% of its content. I ranted on my social media accounts. I was so upset I had wanted to flush the almond and pecan granola down the toilet bowl but I knew it wasn’t the right thing to do. The same week, I had a small squabble with my cell member about our ImpactNow project. As I sat staring at the floor, I drew in a deep breath, I realized I needed a break. I needed time off to rest and recharge.  

I paused for a day, ignoring text messages of concern.  When I was ready, I poured my heart out to my ACL and my spiritual mom. Receiving their unbiased support gave me the encouragement to pick myself up. Attending a simple baking lesson with a close friend and gifting the cake to another warmed my heart. An impromptu gathering for lunch and coffee as well as a dentist’s satisfactory report relieved me of tension and worry.   

I hold on to the promise that “Surely, [God’s] goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life.” (Psalms 23:6); through the good times, and the not-so-good times. I am blessed to have this certain hope that is found in Christ. He is a living and personal God. He is faithful and true; and His love will never fail.