Posted by Wendy ML Tan • Oct 25, 2022
As Pastor Chris was ending his sermon on Saturday evening, he told us to put our hands to our ears as a prophetic act to hear God with our spiritual ears. I did so, and my mind raced immediately to outline this reflection piece. I was distracted. Then, there was a pause in Pastor Chris’ prayer. In that short silence, my thoughts stopped abruptly. In the quietness of my heart and mind, God spoke. He told me, “Be still. Just be still, and be real.”
Being real is the tough part. As a Cell Leader, I rather keep this to myself, and to God. This year, there is a long stretch of empty pages in my journal for daily devotionals. Not just for a few days nor weeks, but months. 7 months.
Tracing back my timeline, it began in the third or fourth quarter of 2021. Back then, I took a course on the Old Testament. My classmates and I had to read one or two books of the Bible each week and do a presentation. By the tenth week, we were exhausted from the routine. For me, juggling between reading huge chunks of Scripture plus following our Bible Reading Plan (BRP) passages became a struggle. Though I would still journal almost everyday in my Evernote, I began to weigh doing one without the other.
In 2022, as we began a new BRP, I opted for the one on “Following Jesus Through the Four Gospels”. I thought I was off to a good start until the new semester at the seminary began and I’d signed up for the New Testament course. Reading the gospels of Matthew and Mark concurrently felt too much for me to digest at one go. Eventually, I decided to stop journaling based on the BRP and concentrate on my studies. However, there were no weekly presentations for this year’s courses on the New Testament. I just needed to complete a reading list, hand in periodical assignments and sit for the final examinations.
I did set myself a target to start journaling again but the semester break in June came and went. During the 3 weeks break, I went for a short holiday trip in Penang, finished an art piece, attended a batik painting workshop, cooking and baking classes, watched a movie, or hung out with friends and Cell members, among other things. I had a lot of free time on my hands but not once did I check the BRP schedule.
Then, in the second semester, I had to read an epistle or two a week on top of the course material. The desire to follow the BRP dwindled and came to a halt altogether.
As I ponder about the year, I realise that it is really by God’s grace that I can still hear Him so well. He knew that it would be hard for me to journal based on the BRP and the New Testament studies. Instead, during the first semester, I had the opportunity to study about Christian Spirituality that required me to journal on a weekly topic. Similarly in this second semester, I was blessed financially to go through a program under TRAC-ICM which required me to submit a weekly reflection piece too.
Thinking back on these reflections, I am affirmed of God’s love towards me. He has seen me through a season of overcoming anxiety. He has given me the breakthrough to forgive a loved one I had held a grudge throughout my life. He has comforted me during the Omicron infection and other physical aches and pains. He accepts me for all my imperfections and failings. He inspires me every time I am on Ignite duty. He has been my all, in all.
Do I miss the time when I used to journal daily? Yes, I do. It is a different experience altogether and I look forward to doing it with my Cell Group next year. Having my Cell members agree to band together to study God’s Word challenges and cheers me on. I am accountable to their well-being as they are under my care and concern. For myself, I have seen the benefit of walking with God closely in my life. He has been calling me to return to this daily habit, to desire and to delight in His Word. I know, I cannot and should not say no to Him.