Posted by Adeline Ting • Sep 6, 2022
God sees. With this proclamation, I felt like a tiny organism in a Petri Dish, placed under a stereomicroscope for observation. My life will be “dissected” and examined by the One whom I serve. Nervous surely, awaiting to know “Would God be pleased if He sees me?”
This calls for a self-examination. I am both a follower and a leader, within my very own personal microcosm. I can honestly say that I have less pressure as a follower, but as a leader, I felt the weight of responsibility, accountability, and judgement, sitting firmly on my shoulders. I have goals as a leader, but I tread the thin line between having goals and turning them into idols. Striving hard for perfection to achieve my goals as per my playbook, I have often found myself tipping the scale towards idolatry. Career and performance are threatening to out-weigh God on the other side. My reflections also revealed that I am in such a vulnerable position to falter easily. Favoritism, bending rules, misreporting of data, dereliction of duties, are just a few of the near misses that I navigate through consistently. Pausing, I realized that I am not a perfect leader. My struggles are real, and as a leader, I have followers who would bear the consequences of my actions. What I do and how I do it, will impact others as we are a team. I am accountable for every follower I have, and I will be judged on my leadership.
Clearly, this is not something I can do on my own. And I truly believe I have not been alone all this while. God is with me, His faithfulness abounds, and He has walked ahead of me. Perhaps, God sees I am trying. And He has kept me on the right path by opening my eyes, and stirring my heart time and time again, so that I am aware of what is right. He calls me back when I go astray. He forgives when I repent, and He continues to mould me into a better person so that I can live a life He has crafted for me. Although the world is corrupted and the cultural norm deviates from the ways of the Lord, I am anchored in the truth that there is hope for God’s people for He is our perfect leader. This is the goodness of the One whom I serve. And I am happy that God sees me.