Sent by Rachel Eng • Apr 9, 2023
Pilate said to them, “Shall I crucify your King?” The chief priests answered, “We have no king but Caesar!” – John 19:15
Ciseri unfolds this event like a movie going horribly wrong: the painter presents the scene as if I were a by-stander/servant – I don’t see Pilate and Jesus’ faces from the front but from the back. It forces me to take in the scene as a third party, pushing me to ponder about my own attitude: “who IS Jesus to me, in the eyes of the bystanders of my life?” Am I more like Pilate who doesn’t want to condemn Jesus, but doesn’t help him? Am I as offended as the crowd, conveniently hating who Jesus claimed to be – the only way to life? Or am I as helpless and lost as Pilate’s wife – who despaired that I have played a hand in condemning an innocent man, Jesus to his death?
Honestly, when I was faced with terminal news of my grandfather who did not know Jesus, I disengaged, like Pilate’s wife. Sharing the truth of his health condition (let alone Christ) to a member of family in the face of other relatives who did not share the same view of life preservation was at the time impossible for me. Paralyzed by my own inability, I could only surrender this situation to the senior members of the family to preserve familial harmony. In my indignation and despair, I whispered to God to make His own way to save my grandfather in the final year of his life.
Moral and emotional turmoil – when it seems that my own loved ones are on the opposing side – is something I believe a human can hardly bear. In the face of it, I could choose the easy path against my conscience, justifying away with logic (Pilate), turn to anger and violence, blaming the obvious target with hatred (the Crowd), or turn away in despair & disengagement (Pilate’s wife).
I am thankful that Jesus has done what I could not do in my humanity. I praise God that my late grandfather has, by God’s grace, accepted Christ and is with our Heavenly Father today. With this testimony – despite the brokenness that remains – I know I can rest and feel what I feel.
It is comforting to know as Jesus sees my deepest pain, helplessness, despair – I am strengthened by Christ, to take small steps to obey where He calls, for Jesus has promised to be with me every step of the way, till the end of age. (Matthew 28:19-20) I thank Jesus – where I truly cannot, He has done it all.
So I pose my question to myself this Easter – In my conduct and life testimonies, who is Jesus to me, to the eyes of my life’s bystanders?