Contributed by Darren Lim • Mar 11, 2025
It was like any other early morning before dawn – quiet except for the incessant sound of crickets. As always, I stepped out into the cold and peaceful morning with my running outfit and earphones streaming Spotify podcast conversations. A phrase mentioned caught my attention as I was warming up into a steady jog – “Everyone has to choose a hill worth dying on…”. The phrase constantly cycled through my conscious mind in sync with the rhythmic cycles of breath – “Hill to die on?…worth dying on?… What hill do I choose?…Did I choose one?..”.
Ramping up into a full aerobic zone 2, the surge of air in my lungs brought the sudden realization that 2025 was the year I stopped making resolutions. I stopped asking myself what were some significant goals I wanted to accomplish. I wasn’t sure what the word ‘significant’ meant anymore. I have been on auto-pilot mode for the longest time since COVID. It was just all about getting things done by the end of the day both at work and for the family. This took a toll on me emotionally and spiritually. I felt bone weary to the point that I felt numb and was just going through the motions.
I was achieving the targets and by all accounts, 2024 was a year of stellar performance and productivity. Health was on track, work productivity was high, family life was moving along nicely and the Engage writing ministry was blessed and thriving. But something was off. I felt disconnected from God. I know Him and His faithfulness but I feel Him distant. Joy felt strangely dim and my prayers lacked fullness. The world around me felt muted, filtered through a lens that watered things down. My favourite foods taste just a tad blend. Morning coffee was less of savoring and more of gulping down ounces of caffeine to stay awake. I just wanted things to be uneventful and chug along in predictable fashion before calling it a day.
I decided to take the morning off to spend in solitude. I read the day’s Bible Reading Plan and prayed that God will turn me back to Him. I asked the Holy Spirit for rest for I can no longer bear the enormous burden upon my shoulders. A feeling of peacefulness came upon me and at every turn of Scripture, the words “Be still” and “I am Your God” stood out to me – all the struggles the bone-weary Moses experienced as the Israelites grumbled, demanded and opposed God despite the many signs and wonders displayed. I sensed the Holy Spirit tugging at my heart, challenging me to not hold on tightly for control but to surrender it all up to Jesus. I was then reminded that Jesus, while He was on earth, had frequently spent time in solitude to connect with our Father. He most definitely spent time in faithful prayer. If Jesus needed that, how much more me?
I continued to pray and as time passed, I felt as if a fog had been lifted from my heart. I didn’t feel it as heavy. I realized that my focus for far too long was on orchestrating things to what I thought pleases God or at least what He wanted me to do. I had so easily forgotten that it was more about God and less about my obedience and faithful stewardship of the giftings He has bestowed upon me. All things happen according to His will and to His glory. What He wanted was for me to be a joyful partner in this wonderful adventure called life. To discover His heart and to witness His powerful works in the world – even in its fallen state and the broken lives within. What matters not is how much I do nor how much faster or better I do it. More importantly is that single most significant thing He has set upon my heart to sow today – one life to touch, one experience that shapes, one word of encouragement and an act of faithfulness. Significance for Him is significant enough for the day.
It is still a constant struggle as I persevere through and press on but I am determined, by God’s grace to consistently spend time quietly with Jesus. Praying, reflecting and asking the Holy Spirit to guide and lead me to live, to love and to feel joy in spite of heart aches. God has been faithful countless times in my life, He keeps His promises, His timing is perfect. I was reminded by a fellow sister during our writer’s huddle that though storms rage around us, we are kept safe at the center. Jesus is at the eye of the storm in which there is calm even in chaos. Despite the chaos that surrounds us, I am comforted that we are kept safe in His embrace as long as we cling most desperately to Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith. Thank you Lord for even this reminder that I believe came from You. Just like how you placed Jethro to counsel Moses to share the burden, so You have placed people in my life to lighten my burden. I am not alone. I do not have to journey alone. My heart will rejoice and break out in songs of joy for I know that at the end, we shall reap a bountiful harvest through faithfulness.
“Holy Spirit, what is the wonderful adventure we are embarking on today?”