Contributed by Jennice Choo • Jun 4, 2023
Some of my early reading experiences as a little girl was reading fairy tales. The story would always end with a big rescue by a charming prince and then they would live together happily ever after.
As I grew up, I moved on to romance novels – the man was always strong, wealthy, capable. Unconsciously this became what I expected in life and in my marriage. Until one day, I heard our pastor say, “if we are looking to another person to meet our needs, we will be disappointed”. I pondered those words and that was how I started to understand that I was feeling disappointed. I was disappointed in my marriage. I had expected my spouse to meet my needs – my need for protection, my need for provision. Those disappointments had led to a lot of friction in our marriage relationship. When I begin to bring my needs before God, asking God to meet those needs – I become happier in my marriage. I became less dissatisfied and more contented.
As I journeyed deeper into a relationship with the God of my life, I would talk to the Holy Spirit first thing in the morning. I brought before Christ how I felt about things, My opinions were no longer paramount as I learned to submit to Him and His Word. Then Jesus began to show me about how He had lived. Christ my Lord lived to bear the sins of others. Christ lived in self-abandonment. He abandoned Himself to the Father’s will. If I live demanding that those closest to me meet my needs, then I am not living the way my Lord showed me how He had lived when He was on earth.
The Lord showed me the reality, that He has provided for me and that He will continue to provide for me. He also showed me how He fights my battles with me and for me. He showed me how I had made my marriage an idol. And that I had lived with a fantasy idea of marriage. When I have idols in my life I will lose spiritual battles and expose myself to spiritual danger. Living in fantasy meant living in perpetual discontentment. Repentance was needed to remove this idol from my life. God helped me to spend more time with Him. I read with the Holy Spirit, talked with Him and journaled our conversations. In our time together, God showed me how to change the way I thought. When my thoughts went in the wrong direction, I would begin to notice it. I started to be alert to the way I thought of my spouse that was not according to the Word of God. The Spirit of God would show me what He thought of situations in the home, the way we talked as husband and wife. And I began to change. It did not happen overnight but things were changing. I realised that when God was at the centre of my life, everything else would fall into its rightful place. I began to see my spouse differently. I began to relate better with him and we were happier together. The journey continues as God continues to disciple me…
