Marriage Policies
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Select a policy below for more information.
Marriage & Wedding Policy
This policy applies to all members (see definition of member below) of the church who intend to get married. It is also applicable to non-members who wish to have their marriage sanctioned and blessed by the church.
The function of the church is not just to conduct weddings but more so to prepare and help the couples build successful marriages and Christian homes. Couples have a responsibility to the church in the example they set in building a Christian home as much as the church has a responsibility in helping and encouraging them in their married lives. There ought to be mutual responsibility and accountability. To achieve the above goals, it is therefore necessary for the church to have requirements for the couples to fulfil when they want a church wedding.
Requirements
- The couple must inform the Eldership/Pastors through their cell leader about their intention to get married at least twelve (12) months before their intended month of wedding.
- The date of the wedding should only be fixed after the couple has a personal meeting with a member of the Pastoral staff.
- The booking of a church and the choice of their officiating pastor must only be done after consultation with the Pastoral staff.
- The couple must NOT register with the Registrar of Marriage. Those who have been officially registered or those who have not been registered but have physically consummated their relationship will forfeit a church wedding.
- Both the man and the woman must be baptised Christians and one of them must be a member of DUMC. However, if both of them are worshippers at DUMC then both must be members of DUMC.
- The couple must attend all the premarital counselling classes and complete assignments before their wedding.
- The couple must show seriousness and commitment in working on preparing for, as well as after marriage and not just the wedding.
- The couple must belong and be regularly attending a cell.
All the requirements must be met before the church will give its consent to the wedding. The church is not obligated to give its consent in the event of a major concern regarding the preparedness of the couple for marriage. In such cases, a postponement of the wedding will be recommended.
Definition of being a member of DUMC
- Have applied to be officially accepted into the membership of the church by filling in an application form
- Is attending a Cell Group
- Have completed Basic Doctrine 1 & Intro to DUMC. More info here.
- Have attended a Baptism and Membership Encounter Weekend
- Baptised and officially been accepted into membership during a weekend celebration
Divorce & Remarriage
Marriage is an institution created by God and must be held in the highest regard.
Hebrews 13:4 says, A Marriage should be honoured by all, and the marriage bed kept pure…”
The marriage relationship is designed by God to be permanent (Rom. 7:2), heterosexual (Gen. 2:24) and deeply enriching and fulfilling. Nothing should hinder such a relationship, but everything must be done to continue to enhance the most intimate of human relationships.
However, we do recognise that even as Christians we sometimes fall short, sadly, of God’s design for marriage. While we do not wish to add further pain to an already difficult situation when a marriage breaks down, what is important is to hold a high view of marriage and the marriage covenant. After examining the biblical and theological teaching about the subject of divorce and remarriage, the following is DUMC’s position regarding divorce and remarriage.
Divorce
- Divorce is not accepted on the grounds of irreconcilable differences. The couple must have the humility, courage and commitment, with the help of others, to work towards resolving their conflicts and be reconciled.
- Divorce is not accepted on the grounds that one spouse has become abusive and violent. In the event of such real hardship in marriage, we would counsel a period of separation. In the meantime, we want to pray and seek for change, and eventual reconciliation and restoration.
- Even though divorce is permitted under two exceptional circumstances, i.e. adultery (Matt. 5:32; 19:9) and a non-believing partner refusing to co-habitate (1 Cor. 7:12-16), we want to countenance a period of prayer and counselling first. The posture we would strongly urge is that of forgiveness asked of in genuine penitence and shown by each other, and in due process reconciliation and restoration.
- In the event of a divorce, we wish to encourage the Christian(s) concerned to remain single.
Remarriage
Divorcees seeking remarriage should pray and seek God’s direction first for their status in life, whether to remain single for the rest of their lives. We do not in any way wish to give an impression that if a marriage does not work out, then divorce could be countenanced since remarriage may be permitted.
We would like to emphasise that the one permanent marriage relationship is still God’s best plan for His creation. Although we do not condone or encourage remarriage, we recognise that deep compassion is needed. The church will only allow a remarriage provided the following conditions are met:
- That all avenues of reconciliation with the previous partner have been explored. This is because it is always God’s desire that one be restored to the spouse of one’s youth (Mal. 2:15).
- That the person seeking remarriage is the aggrieved party in a church allowed divorce.
- That forgiveness has been shown and/or sought from the ex-spouse(s) and those offended.
- That an extended period of pre-marital counselling, especially outlining the special and unusual demands that will be placed on such a relationship, has been followed through. That the couple will have to promise on-going marital counselling and accountability. The purpose is to secure, with God’s help, success in the relationship.
- That the wedding ceremony should not be elaborate, but be confined to the immediate members of the families and close friends.
Other Notes
- The leadership of DUMC comprising the Elders and Pastors want to honour the Lord Jesus Christ as well as have a compassionate heart in handling such a difficult and painful subject.
- The church leadership recognises that because of the multifarious factors involved when a relationship breaks down, we often need to view each case separately.
- The church will not discontinue fellowship or to show love and care to those who come from such a background. The church will seek to be a healing community as much as possible.