Contributed by Darren Lim • Oct 17, 2023
I found myself fighting back a buildup of moisture in my eyes as I heard the powerful testimony of sister Poh Lin and how God answered her prayers in ways not what she expected nor wanted. Yes, only moisture, not yet up to tears. Her feeling of dread of being woken up by the alarm every working morning was so relatable as I still do to this day dread waking up on Monday mornings. In fact, I already find myself playing in my head various ways to address the challenges of the week on Sundays. People say they have Monday blues but I think I have Sunday blues and weekday dreads.
I am a chronic worrier. I tend to indulge in a lot of self-talk. I coach myself through issues (“You got this…”, “This is simple..”, “Come on, face your fears..”) and walk myself through various engagement scenarios with difficult stakeholders. These would be running on auto-playback in my head sometimes for days on end. I would find it hard to fall asleep. There were several times when I had nightmares about work or about an interaction with a colleague.
However, I am both reminded and encouraged by Poh Lin’s testimony to seek God daily and frequently. And this is not just the rushed 5 to 10 minutes I am so prone to doing but instead, to take logical pauses throughout the day to seek Him in prayer. I have boxed God to a very small corner of my life. Bringing Him out only in certain settings or when I have exhausted all avenues known to me. This is not giving God the honour and reverence He deserves.
Reflecting on my previous life crisis, God has never abandoned me whenever I turned to Him in prayer out of desperation and asked Him to take over. He has always shown me grace such that many dire situations somehow turned out positive with me being left wondering “What just happened? I have no idea how that got fixed”.
In order to overcome this tendency to be overly engrossed in self-talk and forgetting God.
Holy Spirit, help me find a suitable accountability partner who would continue to challenge and remind me to live out Proverbs 3:5-6 – “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him and He will make your path straight.” Amen.