Contributed by Darren Lim • Mar 21, 2023

“I am feeling burned out.”

I blurted out to a close colleague of mine early last week. I had not planned on sharing so openly but the words just came out. The pent-up pressure from the first two and a half months of being newly promoted as lead of a specialist team was coming out all at once.

Being promoted to a role that directly reports-in to the General Manager came with increased responsibilities and accountabilities. This was the third time such a department was set up with the previous two times it being a complete failure. Expectations were high and most importantly, all eyes were watching to see if it would also fail this time round. It didn’t help that there were still a number of vacancies to be filled in the team. So naturally, I dug in my heels and got to work to turn this team around. I found myself working 50 to 60 and sometimes even 70-hours per week. Late night calls were a norm. There were just so many things to do. So many critical and urgent issues to attend to. I was running from post-to-post and it didn’t help that my team was dragging their feet in their respective areas of responsibilities. I continuously find myself stepping in to save “fires” and showing the team the “right” way of doing things.

It got so bad at one point that I would feel the need to go out for a midnight run after late meetings just to clear my head. Alternatively, I would oftentimes switch off the lights in my study and just lie down with eyes wide open. I didn’t want to go to bed yet for fear of waking the family up with my restlessness.

On the weekends, my low energy levels have been a constant source of disappointment to my family. They wished to have a husband and a father who is present and engaged in creating family moments with them. It just broke my heart when my son, on one of the nights asked my wife if daddy still loves him. When asked why he doubts, he replied that “Daddy seems to be angry with me all the time and not talk lovely like last time”.

I was constantly aware that God placed me where I am for His special purpose. But I have been too caught up in seeking the approval of people around me and in living up to the expectations of our senior leaders. It was not like I was neglecting prayer or the things of God but my heart was more preoccupied with work and the troubles that came with it. I had lost focus on Christ and the reason I was placed here. I was relying on my own strength to make things better…, and failing miserably in the process.

The closed colleague I confided in is also a fellow Christian. She continues to keep me in her prayers and shared the Bible marathon challenge she signed up for. Now she sends me daily WhatsApp messages containing the Bible chapters of the day to read three times a day – morning, afternoon and night. Three times a day, we each, in our own time, set aside time to humbly approach the throne of grace and seek His will for our lives. There is hope, there is joy and peace to be found in Him. All glory and honour be to God!

Now getting back to today’s reading…